They may have suffered through a troubled childhood experience that has wounded them or they now have higher priorities such as their career or taking care of a sick parent.
Perhaps, they are recently divorced or widowed, and legitimately not ready to get involved in an intimate relationship.
But the toxic effects surface in situations involving intimacy, aggression, abandonment, and fear.
Avoiders believe that they must rely on themselves alone to meet their own needs The buried traumas of the past let avoiders function pretty effectively in their daily lives, at least at the surface.
After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads." But, sadly, a few months later, your conversation changed to, "I can't believe he turned out to be so emotionally unavailable, and commitment-phobic." There are people who chronically meet and date individuals who, at first, seem so perfect for a warm, loving relationship. it's so easy to become intoxicated during that early infatuation stage when you meet someone who fits your pictures and seems like the perfect match. Our deep love for them can put us in denial of the fact that they are unavailable for an intimate, close relationship with us.But when those same "in love" people take off their rose colored glasses, they realize the person they thought was Mr. ("He's so good-looking," or "What a gorgeous woman! If a person is serious about finding an emotionally available person for a committed partnership, there are whole categories of people who should be avoided: people living in another state, those who are still married or in love with someone else, and people with addictions - be it workaholics or drug addicts.The "booby prize" in life is trying to understand or change the behavior of an emotionally unavailable person.(Only they can change themselves.) People can be for both healthy and unhealthy reasons.